Ladies We Are Now Good Enough!

author Rev. Sandra Scott Wright

Great Scholars, studying what they call “emotions” and we call spiritual forces, said the following:

“Guilt says I’ve done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me.

Guilt says I’ve made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake.

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Wife? Divorcee? Single Woman? Who Am I Now?

by Sandra Scott Wright

No longer wife, who was I now?  I enjoyed jogging, but was I a jogger? I enjoyed swimming but was I a swimmer?  Who was I? I began to write poetry, I read books still searching for identity.  Deep down inside I believed I didn’t want to get married again …no not ever.  The pain of abandonment was too intense.  Shame, I felt shame to some extent, shame of a failed marriage. Shame that somehow I wasn’t good enough…

My parents had been married some 50+ years and never divorced. I was a  minister encouraging women and married couples everywhere, and now me I was divorced! Shame of somehow I had failed. I wasn’t good enough.  Maybe if I had cooked better, sewed better ( I use to tailor my husband’s suits) was more romantic etc. Maybe if I was a different me.

It dawned on me for the past year I had been secretly trying to prove to myself that I ‘was’ good enough. That was why the jogging, the swimming, the losing weight etc.  Though I enjoyed these things deep down inside I was trying to prove to myself, that I ‘was’ good enough.  It was only towards the end of this journey that I realized I was still empty. It was all disillusionment.  Who was I fooling? Who was I trying to prove things too? I realized there was no one to prove anything too, not even myself. I was not identified as a wife only, or even single woman. I was not just a nurse, or minister who had failed in her marriage…I was a child of God. A daughter of the King of Kings! I was not a woman who had failed in marriage. I was not a barren women childless, I was not a single woman with no one to love her…I was the daughter of the King of Kings. I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I was the head and not the tail of anything my Father had created.  I was of royalty not based upon my journey or failures or success but based upon whom I belonged to…I was and is a child of the King.  My daddy is rich in houses and land; he holds the power of the entire world in the palm of his hands.  He told me to…

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My Cell Door Unlocked   by Sandra Scott Wright

The service had concluded, the pastor had preached on forgiveness. The pastor was my brother who didn’t know anything about my abandonment by my husband; I had not told him; I had told no one yet…

“I made the choice I would not stay in this cell of hate, bitterness or remain a victim of my husband’s attack. Satan had a plan he had begun to win towards my husband, but he would not win the battle on me.” I would not stay locked down like so many women who still hate any man that has ever hurt them. I would release the keys to his jail of me not forgiving him and in so doing release myself to go on…

I went to his place of employment and on my way I said in my heart, “God you have exactly one hour before his store closes to turn my heart back into flesh and not stone. I am going there and I’m going to sit there until I see him as my brother first who has fallen, and secondly as my husband who abandoned me.” I was determined to do my part and trust God for the rest. I had made up my mind I would sit there until I felt the change or they would simply have to arrest me and take me to jail for not leaving.  I’d rather be in a cell made by man than a cell of me not forgiving him and bitterness locked in my heart…on my way to eternal damnation.

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The Attack of My Heart by Dr. Sandra Scott Wright

As the days passed bill collectors began to call. Our rent was behind, all the bills were behind. My husband called and said he wanted a divorce. I was unemployed….The pain began to settle in, the loneliness and most intense was the hate…yes hate that a Man of God, a preacher,  could do me so wrong. Hate that my obedience to God in marrying this man lead me to this…perhaps even hate towards a God that would allow this to happen to me….

Then…I remembered I was under attack. The Portal of my heart was open for every evil spirit to come in. The pain had opened the portal of my heart. Bitterness, hate, resentment, and every emotion you could possibly feel began to flood in…

I began to search the scripture to find some semblance of sanity in all I was going through. This was not supposed to happen to me. I had not gone out looking for a man, but had waited and trusted God to send one to me. Me, who was a minister encouraging women nationally and internationally, this could not happen to me! Where was God, where was justice, where was healing…they had all seemed to flee, I was hurting, feeling an excruciating pain.

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