Shame Plunged Me Into the Pit of Hell by Sandra Scott Wright

I began to perform to prove I was worthy. I began to run, swim, dress differently, lose weight, I began to move faster than I ever have as if life was passing me by…I was determined that no man would make me feel I was inadequate. No one would make me feel I was a mistake. I remember my father saying to my brother and I that we were mistakes. He mentioned that our mom poked a whole in the birth control and we were conceived. I set out to prove I was no mistake. Unbeknown to me I set out to prove that I was really ashamed of who I was, and I equated the failure of our marriage as direct link to the failure of me as woman/wife/mother.

I thought my foundation was sure. I had been a Christian some 40 years. I felt myself slipping, sinking into a hole of dryness and emptiness. I had changed everything about myself after the divorce and yet I still felt empty. I quoted the scripture ‘For in him dwelleth all the fullness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power.” Colossians 2:9 …and I still felt empty. I told myself I had angles encamping around me.”… Psalm 34:7 “The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them”… and I still felt lonely. I went to work and had an excellent work record and I still felt useless. I had preached and encouraged women nationally and internationally, when the conferences were ended; I still felt empty…

I cried out ‘Lord where are you! Can’t you feel what I feel? I’m dying on the inside. Please help me! The new designer clothes, the diamonds I had bought for myself, they all were meaningless…I could find myself in nothing, not diamonds, new clothes, career, ministry, new look, nothing…. I was determined if this was the result of a failed marriage I would never marry for love again…

I set out to find a new mission, marry for money this time, maybe that will help. I believed that living a single life in itself, was not the answer, and being married wasn’t either, so maybe money and marriage was…My income quadrupled in one year as I continued to tithe and give offerings, God blessed me for my obedience and faithfulSoon men of financial means began to notice me. When I would go to my favorite restaurant midweek I would have to ask the waitresses to keep me from being disturbed, they would…

I glazed at these gentlemen in their fine tailored suits and really saw them for the first time…they were just men …another marriage, another divorce? My purpose was not to be defined by marriage or money. I had more money than I even knew what to do with. After bills I had several hundred dollars left over each payday…what next?

I cried out from the depths of hell, from the pit of despair, loneliness, and rejection, “Lord show me what’s wrong, help me” and he did…

Please note* It is time to be delivered my testimony is paired with deliverance teaching from our cover ministry LM International.us, it is time to be healed, delivered and transformed. Take the time to read and follow the teaching and watch the Holy Spirit make a brand new you! It happened for me and it will happen for you. Click the links below and let the healing begin!